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| Dad, looking fierce |
So, it’s been a year since my dad passed away. Yeah, it’s been a year already.
May 30th, 2014 he was riding his motorcycle and another driver accidentally hit him. The coroner told us that he was likely killed instantly which, as you might imagine, was little consolation in the immediate aftermath of the accident.
Here is what I’ve learned in the 52 weeks since he died.
- It never goes away, but it does get easier. I love my dad very much and miss him. Every day. In the past year my family, particularly my kids, have accomplished a great many things. My dad would have been extremely proud of his grandkids and their talents. It hurts to know that my kids won’t have their “Popeye” (that’s what they call him) watching at their ballet recitals or soccer games.
Currently, we are in the process of selling our home and buying a new one. There are so many projects or situations where I would have loved to have sought his advice. Instead, I have to settle with trying to imagine what stellar wisdom he would have imparted to me (and I guarantee that it would have indeed been stellar).
All of that said, for me the pain has gotten more and more dull as time has gone by. In the weeks and months of last summer, particularly the first two or three months immediately following his passing, it didn’t take much to bring tears to my eyes. Now, while I still think of him everyday, I don’t get nearly as emotional. At least, not as easily. Life goes on. - Love of family is strong. Support from family is essential.
This is an easy one, plain and simple. I don’t know where I would be if it weren’t for my family. The love of those around you can quiet the angriest and most violent of storms. - Forgiveness is easy for some, and more difficult for others.
I won’t go into the long, long version of the story. Suffice it to say the individual who hit my dad was a teenager. Immediately, there were accusations of, “they were probably texting” or “stupid kids were goofing around and not paying attention”. After two separate investigations, one by the Pennsylvania State Police, another by our family attorneys, all evidence points to the accident being just that: an accident. I have come recognize this and have forgiven the other driver. However, there are still those in my family who are in the anger stage of the grief process, and show no discernible signs of progress anytime soon.
But that’s okay. Everyone grieves differently. I made peace with the whole situation in a relatively short amount of time. This doesn’t mean that I had/have it any easier than the next member of my family, it just means that we process these things in different ways.
However, my fear is that those family members who are still angry and want “justice” for my dad’s accident will think that I am being too soft on the other driver. I’m afraid that people will think that I am somehow not as sad as I should be over his passing. This is simply not true.
On the contrary, I don’t want to dwell on negative things like punishment for the other driver involved. In fact, in the days immediately following the accident – when details were still sketchy at best – I vividly remember thinking, “man, this teenager now has to live the rest of their life knowing that they killed another human being.” That is a heavy burden for anyone to carry, but especially for a teenager. Being angry and getting “justice” for my dad won’t bring him back. It is what it is. Oh, it sucks, but as I said earlier, life goes on.
I miss my dad terribly, but I know that wherever he is, he is happy. That notion, in and of itself, brings a smile to my face.
Postscript: A big thank you to all of those who have written, texted, called, emailed, or sent smoke signals in support of my family in the past year. Your kindness is appreciated more than you know.